So I’m going to write them here since hardly anybody reads them anyway…

The things that are going great in my life at the moment. 

I honestly feel the need to write them down… in fear they are going to disappear and leave me forever or I’ll wake up and this will be a distant dream.

The first and best thing honestly in my life right now is my boyfriend. He is honestly the only thing I look forward to each day when I wake up or before I go to sleep. He calls me his world… and he is mine. He’s my rock right now… and I put so much trust into him. I can’t wait to see him it’ll take months… But i’ll get to see him eventually. 

He is the first person I TRULY trust other than my Aunt(Twin<3) Sydney, I have her name tattooed across my heart. 

The second great thing going on in my life is my grandfather got me a car, I have to pay him back for it but he got me one. It just so happens to be my dream car… one I’ve been wanting since i was 12. A 1998 mitsubishi eclipse spyder gs… its red.  

I’m ready to get it… So I can get a second job…. maybe pay it off quickly and then get to my boyfriends arms…

I guess honestly  the only two things going great for me right now are the fact that I’m getting a great car and I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world. Honestly, I wouldn’t trade him for anything or anyone. I’d pretty much give up anything to be in his arms right now.

_____________________________________________________________________

Now…. For the shitty parts.

I won’t get to get my car for maybe a month… I feel like i’m drowning in my own emptiness because of the fact I’m CONSTANTLY alone now. I miss having other people in the house with me…. I got to work just so I can interact with other people… but fuck no… I have to deal with people who just don’t give a damn about anything or anyone… I’m not saying that everyone there is like that… But there are quite a few. 

I have a co-worker… She’s a complete and total bitch to me 99.9% off the time… okay… guess who she calls 100% of the time to cover her shift. You got that fucking right, She calls me. Tonight was the first night in a long time I haven’t covered someones shift that calls me. 

_____________________________________________________________________

The weird dreams that are alike that i keep having almost nightly…..

Now… I keep having these constant dreams… I’m winning the lottery… scratch offs and what not… For at least 10,000 dollars. I have theses dreams constantly… I’m not sure what they mean or what I’m suppose to do about them. When I dream these dreams… I say pay off car and go visit boyfriend. That’s the first two things out of my mouth that  I want to do.

My mom tells me to keep buying scratches offs and  such in hopes that maybe my dream is actually a prediction… My heart tells me to listen to my mom…

My mind is trying to go against everything and tell me not to waste money… But I go with my heart. As always… My heart screams to get to my boyfriend. My heart screams to go up north and visit… Stay with my family…  my mind screams I can’t afford to… 

_____________________________________________________________________

There is goes… everything on  my mind.

rainnbowbrite:

bathsabbath:

Always reblog this. A lot of the animals they kill (and they kill over 95% of the animals they take in at their Virginia Headquarters) are killed within 24 hours. Not nearly enough time to deem whether an animal is adoptable or not. They even bought a giant fridge to store the corpses!

       PETA is a corporation. Not a charity.  Less than 1% of their 32 Million+ annual budget actually goes to directly helping animals. Most of it is spent making sexist/racist/ domestic abuse supporting commercials that won’t even air on television, giving bail outs to convicted arsonists and criminals, hiring/supporting any celebrity that claims to be vegetarian for five minutes, creating campaigns to target children (“Your mom kills animals”), fruitless lawsuits like suing Sea World for violating the constitution, and most recently, making porn. I’m not against porn, but I fail to see how it fucking helps animals. 

PETA does not give a shit about animals.

Plus, these assholes have the gall to insult Steve Irwin.

I am most definitely a vegetarian against PETA. I hate PETA so much. 

Fuck Peta

He does he does, makes me smile and forget the sad… I would love to just be in his arms cuddled away and safe

rainnbowbrite:

your sex lasts 30 seconds?! I’m very sorry for your life… 

LMFAO I feel bad for this persons sex life… 

Haha my future

He’s a pretty interesting person, He has theses awesome re-blogged post that I love… It wasn’t because I still have feelings for them… but I came across one of his post about something that happened after we broke up. I fucked 3 guys All right around each other, He had the guts to put that in there. Yes, I did fuck three guys. One was my “best friend”, The second was my Ex boyfriend that I always felt so safe around, and the third was my tattooist’s cousin that worked in the shop…

My best friend i lost my virginity to… I was in love with him for years and years and years. I was having constant night terrors about a miscarriage  I had when i was younger except i was nearly FULL TERM. In these dreams. It scared the fucking hell outta me. I wanted to talk to him about it. Then I realized I was to fucked up to tell him. Guess what one thing lead to a fucking another and we had sex. Okay, History fucked me over.

             THE THREE GUYS I FUCKED!

Trevor, He was the only person i really hung out with for six months. We had so much fun together hell mom thought i was going to marry him. He invited me over so i went over and stayed with him. I got drunk and we slept together. He was drunk as well. 

and Now Adam tattoo shop. I had taken interest in him after he did it me. It was a fucking mistake. Sue me? He was hot? Not my smartest choice but fucking hell. Okay, Its my life! I’ll do as I fucking please!

____________________________________________________________________

I copyed this right out of this post

“i don’t know what’s going to happen while i’m gone. she’ll probably sleep with a bunch of men, and i’ll just be training, not sleeping with women and being respectful. then when i get out she’ll probably not want to talk to me then i’ll feel like shit because while she was out having fun i was sitting there waiting to get out to see her.”

First of all! FUCK YOU!

I didn’t sleep with a bunch of fucking mean after you went to basic you asshole! I slept with one, oh hell another fucking mistake. OH well. guess what I had feeling and he was playing me and a 15 year old who is also my little sisters friend. Fuck him. I don’t care anymore. I’ve said goodbye forever to several people who I’ve been friends with for years because they tried to call me and ask me if i was “Down To Fuck” Fuck them to one of them was my best friend. Fuck him. Someone even asked me on my birthday. You know what he wants to still come over and hang out. I won’t fucking let him. It pissed me off and hurt me bad. I AM NOT A FUCKING SLUT! I do not fuck everyone I see. Although it may seem like that from previous months. Even Trevor could tell you I’m not easy at all. It took him a while.

I haven’t had sex in months now. I’m happily looking forward to seeing someone. His name is Rhys, He makes me smile a hell of a lot. He’s sweet and genuine. If I had the money on me to go be with him right now I would. Seriously. There is just something about this guy that makes me feel… happy again. Its an amazing feeling that I haven’t had in a long long time. I’ve talked to him for almost a year… I talk to one of his best friends Kimy a lot about a year ago. She’s an amazing sweet girl. She’s probably one of my  best friends. I haven’t even met her in person yet. 

But. I will someday. 

Look, When I said I love you I meant it as a friend. I don’t know what to say or anything anymore, We can be friends or never speak again. Its your choice. But I WILL NOT EVER BE WITH YOU AGAIN.

I’m done with your bullshit.

and slowly destroy myself.

And damn it made me feel better

The one thing i would love to do right now.